for the sake of posting something

i have had absolutely no desire to blog lately. this past week, i have been so lazy and unproductive. i don't know what my deal is. when we closed on our house, the inspector said we needed a new furnace. the seller agreed to give us a check made out to a furnace company for $1,500. this past week we decided that we needed to get going on this furnace thing, since it was freezing in our house. when we looked at the check closely we discovered that it was void as of september 21st. at first, i paniced. i thought we were screwed for sure. but when we talked to the furnace people they said that all we needed was to have the title people, who cut the check, cut us another one. so thursday i was going to call the title people, but after some thought, i decided to wait till friday when i could just go down there.

the real reason i waited, besides the fact that i'm a procrastinator, is because i hate calling people. i don't know what my deal is, but i have this phobia about calling strangers. i don't even like to order pizza. i usually ask whoever i'm with to do it. so friday, before anne left for work, she mentioned that she wasn't even worried about the check, since we couldn't even do anything about the furnace that day anyways. this was music to my ears, as i didn't want to go out anyways.

and so, this has been my life. totally unmotivated. lazy. just wanting to sleep and watch t.v.

i have two papers due for the classes i'm taking. one is on the immigration of my family from the old country, and the other one compares max weber and karl marx's theories. this past weekend anne and i went to my parent's house. saturday, while anne was cutting my dad's hair, i went to my aunts to ask her about my great grandparents immigration here. she's kind of become the family historian, since she's really close with all of the really old relatives, like my 90 year old uncle. she has been emailing him about this topic for me and finding lots of good information. i've never cared about this topic before, but now, for some reason it interests me. maybe it's because i'm becoming more and more interested in history, but i found myself asking my aunt all sorts of questions about our family that had nothing to do with my paper.

i went to the grand rapids public library to research my other paper. if i was independently wealthy i think i would spend a lot of time there. besides having a lot of books, they have a huge cd and video collection to rent from. they have documentaries on any possible subject you can think of. i really need to get a library card there. i love school, but i cannot wait to be done with it someday, so i can read and study about anything i want.

i've been thinking about dependency. about how we're dependent on one another, the planet we live on, and how our country lies to us and convinces us we need to be independent, idividualistic and self-reliant. i wonder how our dependence on one another and the planet relates to dependence on God. honestly, i have a hard time feeling dependent on God. i know that all existence is somehow sustained by Gods existence, and that- like it or not- i am dependent on God, but it's hard to wrap my mind around that. what does someone putting that knowledge into practice look like? is it just praying for guidance? is it constantly being aware of signs from God? is it simply having an unexplainable peace, that, no matter what, things will work out for good? i suppose the easy answer is to look at jesus.

i suppose i should go to bed. maybe i'll write more tomorrow. maybe i'll want to write tomorrow.

my daily thrice

"the earth will shake"

we dream of ways to break these iron bars
we dream of black nights without moon or stars
we dream of tunnels and of sleeping guards
we dream of blackouts in the prison yard

heartbroken, we found
(a gleam of hope)
harken to the sound,
(a whistle blows)
heaven sent reply,
(however small)
evidence of life
(beyond these walls)
born and bred
(in this machine)
wardens dread
(to see us dream)
we hold tight
(to legends of)
real life,
(the way it was before)

we dream of jailers throwing down their arms
we dream of open gates and no alarms

we dream of ways to break these iron bars
we dream of black nights without moon or stars
[x3]

heartbroken, we found
(a gleam of hope)
harken to the sound,
(a whistle blows)
heaven sent reply,
(however small)
evidence of life
(beyond these walls)
born and bred
(in this machine)
wardens dread
(to see us dream)
we hold tight
(to legends of)
real life,
(the way it was before)

look to the day the earth will shake
these weathered walls will fall away

there's always something good you can find if you look hard enough...

ok, 95% of the time whatever todd friel is saying enrages me, so this clip falls in that 5% category. of course, the guy he's arguing with is a complete idiot so maybe that's why todd shines so much. but, nevertheless, this was handled well.

my daily thrice

"cold cash and colder hearts"

they are sick, they are poor
and they die by the thousands and we look away
they are wolves at the door
and they're not gonna move us or get in our way

'cause we don't have the time
here at the top of the world
feeling alright
here at the top of the world

we hold our own by keeping our hearts cold

different god, darker skin
they are just not a burden that we'd like to bear
they are living in "sin"
there are so many reasons for us not to care

but I'm feeling alright
here at the top of the world
doing just fine
here at the top of the world

we've learned money matters most
so we keep our cards held close
here at the top of the world

we hold our own by keeping our hearts cold
and we've learned what matters most
so we keep our hearts cold

they are no one
they are nowhere
they are not our problem
not worth saving
nonexistent if we keep our hearts cold

they are no one
they are nowhere

up to 211

I’m really getting into politics again
When I’m stressed or angry I could care less what I say
I am a bad liar
I hate it when people lie to me
I would rather be bored than really busy
I am a social smoker
I have a half sister
I have three nephews
I never see them because they live in Arizona
I never talk to them
My sister is mad at me about this
I am really bad at keeping in touch with people
I have two close friends that live in Muskegon
I rarely speak with them
I love to cook
I’m decent at it
I like creating my own dishes
MSNBC, food tv, and discovery are my three favorite channels
I hate Fox news
I used to listen to Rush Limbaugh ever day
I get on kicks
My last one was that I’m going to read more fiction
I’m trying to read the classics
I’m not doing so hot at the moment
I am a horrible public speaker
I want to be a better one
I think I have a lot to say
I spend most of my money on food
I went to Christian school K-12
I liked it, for the most part
When I was 14 and 15 I listened hard-core gangsta rap
I used to wear my pants sagging
I had my head shaved
I used to ride my bike everywhere
I was depressed for 2 years
My first job was at a water park
I picked up trash and cleaned the bathrooms
My first real kiss was when I was 19
My favorite movies are As Good as it Gets and Goodwill Hunting
A close second are any movies by Wes Anderson
I think David Bazan is one of the greatest songwriters
Thrice is one of my favorite bands
I need to listen to more music
I have been to the Grand Canyon
I have been to Mt. Rushmore
I liked Mt. Rushmore better
I am extremely loyal
But if I think you’re wrong I won’t defend you
I am not handy
I did not have any one to teach me to be handy
Christmas is not my favorite holiday
The Christmas season is my favorite holiday
I have a cold
It has lasted for over a month
I can play the piano
I started lessons when I was nine and took them for five years
It bothers me that I did not become a surgical technologist
It makes me wonder if I’ll become a social worker
I know that, that is silly because the two are such different professions
I enjoyed being in the O.R.
Most of the time I did a good job
All of the time I felt like I was walking on egg shells
I don’t like working in sterile environments
I have no sense of direction
When someone says, “over there to the left” I have to think about which side is my left
Sometimes I think I have a learning disability
A lot of days I feel way more intelligent than most people
Today I don’t
Today is one of those days where I feel like I have so much more to learn and experience
I do
Joe told me he likes the kava house. I used to love the kava house, so I’m looking forward to going there again sometime
One of my favorite beers is Sam Adams
My favorite beer is Edmond fitzgerald porter
I used to buy all name brand stuff
Now, when we go grocery shopping I buy mostly Meijer stuff
I bought new clothes on Saturday
I feel more confident when I wear new clothes
I want contacts so badly
I have been wearing only my glasses for almost a year
I used to never wear glasses
I love my new blog
I am about to eat spaghetti
I eat a lot of spaghetti because it’s cheap
I am looking forward to going to the haunt
We go every year
I’m also looking forward to going to food, wine and all that jazz