crazy...

glad yesterday was my day off...

ignorance

there are some days when i feel like i don't know shit. yesterday was one of those days. i went over to my friend paul's house to hang out. we ended up talking about politics, like always, and had a great discussion about unions. he is a history and english double major, and is like two classes away from graduating. one of the reasons why he still hasn't graduated is because he's also a staff sergent in the army and got deployed to iraq a couple years ago. he's an incredibly intelligent person and can give you a lecture on the entire history of the world at the drop of a hat. at one point, he had a girlfriend, who was thai, so he studied thai history so he could better relate to her. so having a friend like this, there are many times where i just sit and pick his brain. i love getting his take on the war, since he was in it and was his unit's historian. currently, he's employed at UPS and will be a driver within three years. working there, he is part of the teamster's union, so yesterday i just played devil's advocate and grilled him on all the anti-union arguments i hear.

after i left paul's, i went to barnes and noble. i started wandering through the social science, current affairs and history sections. i couldn't find anything to read; i was just so overwhelmed. i picked up one book called conservative comebacks to liberal lies. i started thumbing through it. it's pretty much an encyclopedia of conservative arguments against common liberal claims. it just amazed me, because it made claims that were completely contradictory to things i learned in school. i do plan on buying this book, at some point, because i really want to listen to the arguments and research them.

i just wish i could stop time, and spend two years in barnes and noble. there is just so much information. i cannot wait till i'm done with my BSW, so i can take a couple years off and just read. i sometimes wonder if phd's feel this way. i wonder if there are points where they say, "i might have a phd, but i really feel like i don't know anything." in the end, however, i suppose feeling this way is good, as the most ignorant people out there tend to think they know it all.

a merry schismatic... uh, where was i? oh, yeah (part 5)

so, since i discussed my views concerning the idea of "going to heaven" and the ultimate point of christianity (i.e. God's kingdom invading earth), i guess it's fitting to discuss the other side of the coin. i've already discussed my issues with what the bible says concerning hell here, and, honestly, i would be all for striking the word "hell" from the christian lexicon. hell, as most christians think of it, borrows heavily from dante and mythology. nowhere, in the scriptures, does the idea of hell, as we commonly think of it, appear. and the word "hell" actually comes from the norse goddess of the underworld (ht clothman).

so, what is hell? i've been pondering this question for years now, and i can't say that i have a solid answer, nor do i think i need one. instead, i look at it from a few different perspectives and conclude that it's probably a sum of all of them. a perspective that's been very helpful comes from my pastor rob bell. in his book sex god, he opens the first chapter with his understanding of hell. basically, he believes, like i do, that heaven is invading earth and that heaven is anywhere where God's rule is lived out, which is why we're taught to pray "on earth as it is in heaven." rob says: "when we say something was a "living hell," we mean that it was void of any love or peace or beauty or meaning. it was absent of the will and desire of God." so when things are going as God intends, heaven is being lived at the moment, and hell is the opposite of that. i watch the show intervention. it's a documentary portraying addicts facing interventions. i just watched one about a lesbian meth addict from a conservative christian family. at one point, her sister says something like "i'm not concerned about what happens to her here, i'm concerned about her going to hell." my immediate reaction was, "going? she's already there."

in his book speaking my mind, tony campolo goes over several different perspectives on hell. he alludes that he believes hell is separation from God, but that people can still turn to christ even after death. he also makes note that the one time where jesus clearly tells a story about people being judged, that they aren't judged by whether or not they had a conversion experience; they are judged by how they treated the least of those among them. of course, one could argue that how one treats the least of these is the fruit of said conversion experience. but then the obvious question is: what about those who aren't christians who live like christians, better than most christains? this has always been an interesting question for me.

the other day, i attended a lecture at work about the increasing resistance to anti-microbial drugs of certain stds. after the lecture, i was talking with the pharmD who spoke, about the vaccine gardasil. we discussed how those in the bible-belt were opposing its use because it might encourage girls to have sex. my thought was that fear should not be the driving force behind celibacy. growing up, i was terrified of going to hell. for most of my childhood and early teens i believed that, in spite of the salvation prayers i prayed, i wasn't good enough to actually be a real christian. hell was and is a very powerful tool to win converts. my old church actually put on plays portraying people being thrown into hell in order to scare people into becoming christians. a common line of thinking in the church is that if there is no hell, then we can just live the way we want. so my question to those that espouse that idea is: so do you live the way you do, and believe what you believe, simply out of fear? is the avoidance of hell what american christianity boils down to?

to tie this in with christmas, i'll offer a final perspective. one of the gifts i received this past year was a cd by a band i love called thrice, and on this cd is a song called the arsonist. the song describes a city that has become corrupted by all sorts of evil, and an arsonist who plans on burning it down to rebuild it. in other words, he plans on cleansing it by fire and his motive for doing so isn't anger, but love. here are some of the lyrics:

There are still good shepherds scattered, but they're far between and few.
And the sheep's skin that the wolves all wear is so thin I see right through.
And I think maybe all that's needed is some gas and open flame,
because I don't think that any one of them believes that fire can erase their names.
But I will see this city burn.
I said I will see this city burn.
We will burn it down and build it again,what was buried in flame.
Burn it down and build it again from the bricks that remain.
I love this city, but I've set and numbered its days.
I love this city, enough that I'll set it ABLAZE.

(cyn)icism

you know you're getting old when you don't do anything on your saturday off but watch movies, and you feel guilty because you didn't get anything accomplished. that's what i did today. i knocked out casino royal and children of men. both movies were great and intense, and both were so different that there's no way i could say i liked one better than the other. among their differences, i noticed that casino royal was, overall, pretty cynical in its message, while children of men had a message of hope. in casino royal, the new bond film, james bond learns the hard way that you can trust no one. children of men was about a child born into a world plagued by 18 years of infertility and war.

the other day, anne and i were riding behind a car that was plastered with bumper stickers. they were on the bumper, the trunk and the back window. anne spotted one bumper sticker that said "ca(sin)o." now, i don't agree that all gambling is wrong, but, whatever, everyone has a right to their opinion and to put corny bumper stickers on their car; so i didn't think much of it. later on, however, something occurred to me.

other stickers on this car had, not surprisingly, religious messages. what occurred to me is that many of the christians i know are incredibly cynical people. recently, my cousin erica made a comment that "there just aren't very many honest people anymore these days." in class, not too long ago, we were discussing whether things had gotten better in our country concerning racism. i argued that it has, but another classmate commented, "i just don't think things are going to get better." now, i know what these two people think concerning the fate of the world, so these remarks don't surprise me. but it's still bothersome to me that the only hope these people have for the future is that a sliver of humanity will be spared before locusts the size of ponies swoop down and devour some 1/3 of the planet. they would actually believe that the world was a better place a long time ago, when all it takes is a quick glimpse at history for one to discover that things have gotten better and not worse.

here's my point in all this. i think maybe the greatest, most ground-breaking, turn-all-of-reality-on-its-head, thing the bible has to say is that God is love. that in some unexplainable way, the very core of reality is love. now, there are many things to be cynical about: pop music, buffets and right-wing politics :) just to name a few. but for me, i have hope that all of this isn't just waiting for a cosmic wrecking ball to tear it down. and if God is indeed love, maybe cynicism is one of the greatest heresies of all.

on my neglected series and my lack of blogging

as of late, i have been taking a writing class. due to the nature of this class, i am constantly working on a paper, which, for some reason, makes me not want to blog. i've been debating on how to continue my series. i originally was writing it as an examination of how i interact with people in my life of the more conservative evangelical persuation. however, i've quickly realized that i don't have much to say on that because my interaction typically constitutes no interaction, because there are just too many obsticals created by differing perceptions on different theological concepts. so, instead, i thought it would be good to work through those differing perceptions. my intent isn't to create a theological treatise, but to examine the disconnect between christians like myself of the emergent persuation and christians like my family and anne's who typify mainstream conservative evangelicals.

so that's where i'm going with all this. meanwhile, i'll also continue to write insightful observations about my life and shortcomings :).