for the sake of posting something

i have had absolutely no desire to blog lately. this past week, i have been so lazy and unproductive. i don't know what my deal is. when we closed on our house, the inspector said we needed a new furnace. the seller agreed to give us a check made out to a furnace company for $1,500. this past week we decided that we needed to get going on this furnace thing, since it was freezing in our house. when we looked at the check closely we discovered that it was void as of september 21st. at first, i paniced. i thought we were screwed for sure. but when we talked to the furnace people they said that all we needed was to have the title people, who cut the check, cut us another one. so thursday i was going to call the title people, but after some thought, i decided to wait till friday when i could just go down there.

the real reason i waited, besides the fact that i'm a procrastinator, is because i hate calling people. i don't know what my deal is, but i have this phobia about calling strangers. i don't even like to order pizza. i usually ask whoever i'm with to do it. so friday, before anne left for work, she mentioned that she wasn't even worried about the check, since we couldn't even do anything about the furnace that day anyways. this was music to my ears, as i didn't want to go out anyways.

and so, this has been my life. totally unmotivated. lazy. just wanting to sleep and watch t.v.

i have two papers due for the classes i'm taking. one is on the immigration of my family from the old country, and the other one compares max weber and karl marx's theories. this past weekend anne and i went to my parent's house. saturday, while anne was cutting my dad's hair, i went to my aunts to ask her about my great grandparents immigration here. she's kind of become the family historian, since she's really close with all of the really old relatives, like my 90 year old uncle. she has been emailing him about this topic for me and finding lots of good information. i've never cared about this topic before, but now, for some reason it interests me. maybe it's because i'm becoming more and more interested in history, but i found myself asking my aunt all sorts of questions about our family that had nothing to do with my paper.

i went to the grand rapids public library to research my other paper. if i was independently wealthy i think i would spend a lot of time there. besides having a lot of books, they have a huge cd and video collection to rent from. they have documentaries on any possible subject you can think of. i really need to get a library card there. i love school, but i cannot wait to be done with it someday, so i can read and study about anything i want.

i've been thinking about dependency. about how we're dependent on one another, the planet we live on, and how our country lies to us and convinces us we need to be independent, idividualistic and self-reliant. i wonder how our dependence on one another and the planet relates to dependence on God. honestly, i have a hard time feeling dependent on God. i know that all existence is somehow sustained by Gods existence, and that- like it or not- i am dependent on God, but it's hard to wrap my mind around that. what does someone putting that knowledge into practice look like? is it just praying for guidance? is it constantly being aware of signs from God? is it simply having an unexplainable peace, that, no matter what, things will work out for good? i suppose the easy answer is to look at jesus.

i suppose i should go to bed. maybe i'll write more tomorrow. maybe i'll want to write tomorrow.