success

i found out yesterday that i, for sure, got the internship and was given a name and number of the person i am to be shadowing and reporting to. this was a huge load that has been lifted as i had not heard back from my contact in weeks after she told me she was pretty sure they would have a spot for me. a couple weeks ago i had paged her several times and emailed her never hearing back. so this was huge. i can't wait to go shopping for some professional looking attire, as well as, a sweet moleskine to take notes in.

yet, in the wake of this victory, this morning i began falling into a mire of regret. from time to time, i get caught up thinking about how we should have stayed in our apartment. when we moved into our house we were living dirt cheap in our nice little one bedroom. we were paying off debt like mad. my income paid all the bills so anne's income was just extra. i think about her income now and how much more she makes. i think about what our lives would be like if we had paid off all our debt and she would have gotten the job she has now and if we still lived in our apartment. i think about how we could have a new(er) car, or how cheaper houses are now, or how we could have gone to europe.

in the past, when i thought about this, i always thought about how we never would have bought niles. but seriously, would i trade niles for no debt, a car, a trip to europe, and a nicer house with a smaller mortgage? uh, yeah. i love the little shit almost like a child, but i would rather have stayed in our apartment. so the only think that gets me through this bout of regret is simply the fact that what is is what is, and there is nothing i can do to change the past. all i can do is live in the present. and in the present i am blessed. i have an internship. i have an internship at the biggest hospital in this half of the state, and it's also where i happen to work. all i gotta do is keep getting A's, and i'm set. and i have the day off tomorrow, with no real homework. that helps too.