aids walk, religion, chaos and order

anne and i did the aids walk today. it was a beautiful morning and afternoon. when we got there we saw people with their dogs. after much deliberation i went home and got niles. when i got back the walk had started, so i had to find a parking spot quickly. even though he's sick, niles behaved well. we walked through part of the heritage hills historic district. the houses there are amazing, and i got to see some i hadn't seen before. we also passed the meyer may house, which was designed by frank lloyd wright. the house is stunning; a true work of art. when we got back they had a raffle drawing, and anne won a gift basket, hair cut and style from a local salon. she was very excited, although we were hoping to win the grand prize, which was a night at the amway grand.

when we left we were stopped by a homeless guy. we were forced to talk to him because we were waiting for the light to change so we could cross the street. anne and i don't carry cash on us, so we couldn't give him the two dollars he asked for. it was obvious, however, that he was high or intoxicated. he was trying to feed niles his half-eaten apple. the whole situation was frustrating. i don't mind helping people, who i know really are just hungry, but i can't stand being harassed. i swear the homeless people in the mid west are much more aggressive than those in new york or boston. we weren't stopped or pestered once in those cities. on top of that he tried to guilt trip me by asking if i had ever been homeless, and telling me i might be someday.

this is where the conservative in me comes out. i don't believe in just giving money to people. i don't believe in welfare. even if i had two dollars i would not have given it to him. for one, because he was already high, and two i'm not really helping him. he told me he lives under the bridge. i wanted to ask him why he doesn't go to guiding light or mel trotter. grand rapids has the most resources for the homeless in the u.s. homeless people actually come to grand rapids for their homelessness programs. it just made me so mad because i want to help him. i want to plop him down and say tell me about your life. how did you get here? what happened? what do you want with the rest of your life? how can you change? what needs to happen? here's some resources; talk to these people; ask for this person. and some day when i'm a social worker i'll be able to do that. but don't fricken harass me! i want to have compassion for you, but pestering me isn't helping!!

my race and ethnic relations prof explained something to us that i have been thinking about ever since. someone in class asked him what the function of religion is in societies. he told us about some sociologists who observed a society that lived on an island. around the island there was a lagoon where the people fished. beyond the lagoon there was the ocean, where they also fished. the ocean was obviously much more dangerous, many people died fishing there and it was very mysterious to the primitive island people. in studying the peoples religious customs, the researchers found that much of their religion focused on the ocean, not the island or the lagoon. the point my instructor made was that the people attached the most religious beliefs to the ocean because it was the one thing that was big, mysterious and beyond their control. iow, people use religion to cope with the unknown. religious people are typically healthier than non-religious. people who pray do recover faster than people who don't. the theory is that religion gives a sense of control over the unknown, which relieves stress. this got me thinking about what we attach religious belief to. is it typically the big, mysterious, and unknown? are christians any different than the islanders? what is the biggest thing that christians debate and argue about? what is christianity supposed to have all the answers about? what is the thing which continues to be a great mystery?

if we look at the ancients we see they did the same thing. they looked at the sky and saw gods. they looked at volcanoes and saw gods. they looked at the ocean and saw chaos, monsters, and gods. as we grew in scientific knowledge we found that there were natural explanations for these mysteries. the big mystery we have yet to solve is what happens after death. a person can go through their entire life without thinking of God, but put them on their deathbed and they have a come-to-jesus moment. if we follow the logic that people attach religious beliefs to things beyond their control, and those things tend to end up having natural explanations then why not death? is that all God is? something we use to cope with life's stresses and mysteries? is that why we feel comfort and peace? isn't that what a lot of christains say? just give it to jesus. lay it at the foot of the cross. you're not in control, God is. is our religion just an elaborate, sophisticated version of the one the islanders have?

some christians would immediately argue that we have objective proof. hundreds of eyewitnesses saw jesus alive. the apostles died for their faith, so it must have been authentic. read josephus. read tacitus. jesus existed and he rose from the dead, and that's how christianity is different from other religions. now, i agree with this to a point. my theology is pretty much a blend of boyd and wright. but the problem is, is there are a host of scholars-- good scholars, not shitty, pseudo- ones like baigent-- who would say otherwise. for the lay person, in the end, you're taking the word of an authority. my question is do we buy what wright, boyd, witherington and others say because we want them to be right? because we need them to be right? i admit that when i read or listen to interviews with liberal scholars, they can be pretty convincing.

what i know is this: love is powerful. love causes people to insane, incredible things. love, at times, trumps survival. forgiving people is physically healthier than remaining bitter. things are better when people love one another. grace changes people. i love being alive and i never want it to end. most of us regret slavery. most of us regret what happened to native americans. most of us would never want that to happen again. we long for justice. people change when you forgive them. telling the truth is liberating. truth, love and justice are connected. the earth is beautiful, and no one has to tell me. life would be more abundant if people would love, forgive, seek justice, strive for peace, be patient, compassionate, tell the truth, and be empathetic.

there is a level of orderliness to revenge. there is a level of orderliness to returning evil with evil. it's primal, but it works. there is a higher level of orderliness in returning evil with good. the ancients-- including the hebrews-- believe god brought order from chaos. i believe love is the highest level of order. it leads to reconciliation, builds relationships, and creates life. good for good and evil for evil-- the way of the world-- maintains the status quo. it's static. and sin leads to death and destruction.

today we did something to help complete strangers with a terminal illness. even though he pissed me off, i still wish i could have helped that homeless guy. love has to be the foundation of my faith; that things are better and there is a higher level of order when people love. the bible is a story of a God of love intimately connected with his creation; who says that his people love him when they love each other. a God who says he gives abundant life and then tells people to love no matter what. my faith cannot be built on a fear of death, if it is then it is no more authentic than any other primitive religion.